Its over… How do you move on?

Well, here it is again… The end of summer is right around the corner and it will be back to the class room for our students before you know it.  As a youth minister I spend a lot of my time in the months outside of summer getting ready for summer. I have trips to plan and events to coordinate.  But for what?  So many student ministries pack their calendars during the months of June, July and August with camps and retreats and mission trips.  Youth pastors spend countless hours planning and mapping to insure a smooth and “successful” trip.  But for what?

It has been a long time since I posted on this blog, mostly because I have been busy with summer, but today I want to make sure that I come back with a bang!  Here is what my summer as a youth pastor was all about and what I want all students (and parents) to hear.  My summer was about my God and serving him with my life.

This summer was a great year for the student ministry at Creekside Church here in Midlothian, Tx.  We had a great church camp, climbed a mountain and even did some hot sweaty work in New Orleans.  Teens worked in VBS leading young kids through a backyard adventure and we had a lot of fun just swimming or hanging out at Six Flags.  The summer was fun, but what was it for?

I cannot speak for all of my teens or their families, but this summer was created for something, and I don’t mean what I created.  God created this summer for something special and I was blessed to be a part of it.  I could fill this time talking about where our kids met God over the past couple of months and how he changed lives, and while that was amazing that is not the point of this post.

You see, we can talk about the amazing summer but the truth is that was the past.  We can look back and see what God did in our lives or we can do something else, I prefer the something else.  The God that we encountered this summer did not just show up for the summer.  I heard many teens throughout different events talk about how they just love the opportunity to get away and be with God and it bothered me.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved that they were in a place that they could feel God’s presence in their lives, but I did not like the fact that they felt the only time they can feel that is when they are on some youth group trip.

TEENS HEAR THIS!  The God that you felt at youth camp, or mission trip or on some mountain in the wilderness is still near, you just have to take time to be near him.  The reason that we feel God more on “church events” is because we are thinking about him and people are talking about him.  It was amazing to see students come to tears as they thought about how amazing their God is.  The words of peace and hope and love that would flow from their mouths were like music.  The unity that was experienced was moving and unbreakable… until we left and came home.

We do a really good job of having “experiences” with God.  Those little moments that we actually set aside time and listen.  But I believe God desires more than just the occasional “experience.”  We are called to live our life immersed in His grace and allow it to change our life!  Experiences are for theme parks and concerts, a life with God is so much more than a brief experience.  So many ministry leaders are guilty of leading through experience.  We invest so much time in creating the perfect worship set list, establishing the perfect lighting and motion back grounds.  We write and rewrite our words to draw every ounce of emotion from our audience in hopes that it takes them to a place with their God.  Student leaders work to build programs and events that are exciting and intriguing.  We construct an opportunity to lead students into an experience with God that we hope will be life changing.  We are really good at leading through experience.  In fact we are so good at the experience that many of us spend our time between experiences waiting for the next experience and in doing so we miss God.

 In preparing for the next experience we miss His voice.  We disregard His hand.  We turn away from His face because we are busy getting ready for what is next.

This school year don’t waste it looking forward to next summer’s “experience.”  Remember to slow down and listen.  Get together with that group that was so close together and build each other up.  The God that you experienced is wanting more than just a few weeks, He wants your life.  He wants to shower you in his grace, lift you from the pits that this world is so good at dragging us into.  Take time to sing praises for no other reason than God is Holy.  This summer I hope was an amazing one for you and your family.  But I ask you, what was it for?  Was this another great summer with some really good experiences with God?  Or was this a summer that you brought you and God together forever?  This summer reminded me how to live.

Blessings,

Steven

The 6 Minute Impact

Hand written letters are a lost art these days.  With the world of e-mail, texting and social media the hand written note seems to be obsolete. While eating lunch with a group of 7^th graders a few weeks ago I asked them if any of them ever write notes to friends.  Most of them said that they just text or send them something on instagram, but still think that a hand written note is better.  I asked them why and they simply said “It takes time to write a note by hand, and time means that you care.”

Time means that you care!? Great words of wisdom from a group of 7^th grade girls.  While most of them confessed to never writing a hand written note of gratitude or encouragement they did confess that they would like to receive one.  That got me to thinking…  How many notes have I sent out?  According to this group a hand written note means more, not because of the words or the paper or the stamp… But because it took time.

I wrote a note before writing this post just to see how much time it takes.  Now my note writing process is longer than most because I am the worst speller in the world (ask my 4^th grade teacher, she once held up my paper to the class to show them why studying is important… I got every spelling word wrong…).  Since I cannot spell to save my life, I write everything out in word and then copy it by hand onto the card.  Crazy, I know.  But even with my added step, the note only took me 6 minutes to write.  5 lines of encouragement, thankfulness and love took me only 6 minutes to think up, type up and then write down.  6 MINUTES!  For some of you parents it takes you longer than 6 minutes to write a 10 word text.

So what is the point of this post?  Glad you asked.  In working with parents and teens I witness the dialog that takes place between them on regular bases. It is always interesting to see how they interact, very short sentences and normally in a question/ response format. They are quick and abrupt.  Now I know that the conversations that I witness are public, so I am making a big judgment call here, but I have a feeling that is how the majority of parent/ child conversations go in the home as well.  As a parent how does that make you feel?  Are you satisfied with your communication with your child?  Do you feel like the way you communicate with your child (e-mail, text, phone call, dinner table conversation, ect) is uplifting and loving.  Do you believe that you make your child feel appreciated and loved?  Are they supported and encouraged by the end of your conversations or are they discouraged and annoyed?  How many of your conversations end with one of you saying the empty “I am through with this conversations—“OK!?”

I don’t know how you answered those questions but I am sure that for the majority of you reading this you know your parent/ child communication could be healthier.  While there are hundreds of books and articles online written by people way smarter and much more respected in this field then myself that you could turn to for advice on how to be a better parent communicator, I just want to offer this.  Take 6 minutes.

Take the advice of that group of 7^th grade girls and write a letter, a hand written note.  It is up to you what you say and how long you make it.  Whether you write it on a card or a piece of notebook paper is up to you.  I encourage you to include a few things in this letter.  Mention how much they are loved, how proud you are of them and how they have affected your life.  Follow up with a moment of encouragement maybe a scripture or a good quote.  Try to stay away from empty emotions, phrases like “you mean more to me then you know” or “I love you more than anything.”  While these phrases sound good, they have no substance.  Rather use solid phrases linked to things about your child like, “I am always filled with joy when I see your smile,” or “You make me so proud when you accomplished your goal of (mention goal).”  These phrases have weight because they are relatable to your child and not vague.

Word of warning!  Do not expect a letter in response; in fact don’t expect a response at all.  The truth is, your child will more than likely read it, think about for a few seconds and then toss it to the side. Don’t let that reaction distract you from the emotion that they will/ are experiencing.  There is something powerful in a hand written letter; it brings a feeling that is warm and comforting.  You feel it when you get one and your child will as well.  You might not ever see it or hear it, but inside, your child is expressing a reaction of self esteem and pride that their parent took the time to show them their love.  It is not so much about the words (while they are important) but the fact that you took the time to write them a letter.

I encourage you to make this 6 minute activity a part of your weekly schedule.  In a notebook, on a card or maybe a small dry erase board that you stick to their bathroom mirror start writing your child.  Is this going to solve all the communication problems between parent and child…? I wish, but it will create some very special moments for your child and for you.  Now, I know most of you are probably thinking “yes, I am going to do this” (at least I hope you are) so do it now!  Find a scrap piece of paper and write a note to your child.  Take 6 minutes.

PS. 2 letters are better then 1, so forward this to the other parent and give your child a total of 12 minutes of “extra” time.  Happy writing!

-Steven

My Response to the list of excuses “top 10 reasons our kids leave church”

It has been a few weeks since the article “Top 10 reason or Kids Leave Church” was published on Marc Yoder wordpress marc5solas.  I found it very interesting to read and I spent a lot of time reading through the comments as well.  I always find articles like this very interesting and they normally get me thinking.  But all that I could think while working my way through this article was how it was a list of excuses.

Let me explain.  It is not that I disagree with all of it, in fact he makes points that I do agree somewhat with.  I thought that over all he had some great points that churches and leaders need to focus on, but I feel like he missed the key element.  The reason that students leave church when they grow up is not due to the church being to relevant or not creating opportunities to experience God, it is that for this generation of young Christians, Church is simply not important to those in their life who should be teaching them values and what should be valued in life.

Marc began to hit on this in his final point but he spent 9 points before that leading up to this.  Here is the deal; kids will value church, faith and God if they see people valuing church, faith and God.  It does not matter if the pastor is wearing skinny jeans drinking a latte; if he is honoring God then students will learn to honor God.  Why do churches invest thousands of dollars into creating an experience for kids, because that is the only way they are going to get them in the door!  You can disagree with me all you want, but the truth of the matter is that if you are not offering some sort of experience, then teens will not come.  And yes, truth be told, I will dress in whatever and host bible study in whatever venue to bring students to have the opportunity to hear the gospel, because that is what is important to me and that is what I value.

I do not feel young adults are simply turning their back on church once they leave home, I believe that they were never facing it in the first place, and neither are their parents!

THE reason students are leaving the church is because they have never been a part of one.  Sure they might have attended a church service and spent time hanging out with a youth group a few times a month, but they were never in “Church.”  Parents today do not take on the spiritual responsibility that belongs to them.  They feel like that is what churches responsibility is, to teach their students spirituality.  But the truth is that churches and church leaders have very limited time with the kids who are under their care.  If parents are leaving all the spiritual guiding up to the church, the kids will never feel connected and once they are gone, they will never feel like they need to go back.

Parents must become the spiritual leaders of their kids.  When was the last time that you did a family bible study together?  What about a family service project.  Never?  Then don’t go about posting the article Marc wrote, because those top 10 reasons don’t apply to your kids.  The top reason your child will leave church is you.

Harsh?  Maybe.  But it is the truth.  Parents dedicate more time to helping their child learn to throw and hit a baseball then they do helping them understand the love of God.  Parents will spend hours cheering on their daughter at her soccer tournament, or dance tournament but when it comes to spiritual accomplishments, they are not even paying attention.

And when church does try to help fill the spiritual needs of students with retreats or camps or summer mission trips, parents limit their students due to the cost or the time it will take away from their other activities.  All the while they spend hundreds of dollars on new cleats, duffel bags and computers to make sure their little babies have the best equipment to be their very best and look their very best.

And what about example?  If parents are leaning on church to be to sole provider of their child’s spiritual growth, then maybe they should be there as well.  In speaking with fellow youth pastors we are all amazed by how many students we have who attend church service without their parents.  Like an hour of free babysitting while they run around town checking things off the to-do list.  You don’t think that affects your students.  You don’t think that screams to your kids “Church is not Important!!!”  Of course it does, if you as mom and dad are not going then why should they?  It must be taught that church is a place of value not just a fun place to see your friends.

So yes, I am not going to sugar coat the issue, our kids are not leaving church because they see through the churches lies, or they are being won over by the world.  The truth is they were never in church in the first place.  They were just there, watching the show.

I am sure that thousands of parents passed Marc’s article out and posted it on facebook or sent it to their friends.  I know that I received it multiple times from parents, church leaders and elder members who are worried about the future of our children and the church.  But I am wondering how many of you read the article and felt a sense of guilt, or did you read it and feel like your local church needs to do more.

Because if you read it and felt guilt, then work out of that and start to address these issues with your own children and work to create a family environment that values church, faith and God.  If you sent the article out in hopes that it would challenge churches and church leaders to make drastic changes in their programs, then take a step back.  What does your program at home look like?  Are you more of a friend to your child then a parent?  Do you lead by example in the way you speak, drive, treat your spouse, your choice in music/ movies.  What about the things you invest your time in, and place importance on.  If you are hurrying your family to church because you had too many other “important” things going on then let me tell you again, It is not going to be the churches fault if your child grows up and leaves the church.

Quit making excuses, and passing out list of excuses that let parents off the hook.  It is time you stand up and teach your children what is important in life, and if you want church to be one of those important issues, THEN MAKE IT IMPORTANT.  Talk about church and why it is important for us as Christians to go to.  Talk about what it is and talk about what it isn’t.  Because it should not be the most important source of spiritual guidance; parents should be.  The church is here to help, but parents must be willing to take responsibility.