The 6 Minute Impact

Hand written letters are a lost art these days.  With the world of e-mail, texting and social media the hand written note seems to be obsolete. While eating lunch with a group of 7^th graders a few weeks ago I asked them if any of them ever write notes to friends.  Most of them said that they just text or send them something on instagram, but still think that a hand written note is better.  I asked them why and they simply said “It takes time to write a note by hand, and time means that you care.”

Time means that you care!? Great words of wisdom from a group of 7^th grade girls.  While most of them confessed to never writing a hand written note of gratitude or encouragement they did confess that they would like to receive one.  That got me to thinking…  How many notes have I sent out?  According to this group a hand written note means more, not because of the words or the paper or the stamp… But because it took time.

I wrote a note before writing this post just to see how much time it takes.  Now my note writing process is longer than most because I am the worst speller in the world (ask my 4^th grade teacher, she once held up my paper to the class to show them why studying is important… I got every spelling word wrong…).  Since I cannot spell to save my life, I write everything out in word and then copy it by hand onto the card.  Crazy, I know.  But even with my added step, the note only took me 6 minutes to write.  5 lines of encouragement, thankfulness and love took me only 6 minutes to think up, type up and then write down.  6 MINUTES!  For some of you parents it takes you longer than 6 minutes to write a 10 word text.

So what is the point of this post?  Glad you asked.  In working with parents and teens I witness the dialog that takes place between them on regular bases. It is always interesting to see how they interact, very short sentences and normally in a question/ response format. They are quick and abrupt.  Now I know that the conversations that I witness are public, so I am making a big judgment call here, but I have a feeling that is how the majority of parent/ child conversations go in the home as well.  As a parent how does that make you feel?  Are you satisfied with your communication with your child?  Do you feel like the way you communicate with your child (e-mail, text, phone call, dinner table conversation, ect) is uplifting and loving.  Do you believe that you make your child feel appreciated and loved?  Are they supported and encouraged by the end of your conversations or are they discouraged and annoyed?  How many of your conversations end with one of you saying the empty “I am through with this conversations—“OK!?”

I don’t know how you answered those questions but I am sure that for the majority of you reading this you know your parent/ child communication could be healthier.  While there are hundreds of books and articles online written by people way smarter and much more respected in this field then myself that you could turn to for advice on how to be a better parent communicator, I just want to offer this.  Take 6 minutes.

Take the advice of that group of 7^th grade girls and write a letter, a hand written note.  It is up to you what you say and how long you make it.  Whether you write it on a card or a piece of notebook paper is up to you.  I encourage you to include a few things in this letter.  Mention how much they are loved, how proud you are of them and how they have affected your life.  Follow up with a moment of encouragement maybe a scripture or a good quote.  Try to stay away from empty emotions, phrases like “you mean more to me then you know” or “I love you more than anything.”  While these phrases sound good, they have no substance.  Rather use solid phrases linked to things about your child like, “I am always filled with joy when I see your smile,” or “You make me so proud when you accomplished your goal of (mention goal).”  These phrases have weight because they are relatable to your child and not vague.

Word of warning!  Do not expect a letter in response; in fact don’t expect a response at all.  The truth is, your child will more than likely read it, think about for a few seconds and then toss it to the side. Don’t let that reaction distract you from the emotion that they will/ are experiencing.  There is something powerful in a hand written letter; it brings a feeling that is warm and comforting.  You feel it when you get one and your child will as well.  You might not ever see it or hear it, but inside, your child is expressing a reaction of self esteem and pride that their parent took the time to show them their love.  It is not so much about the words (while they are important) but the fact that you took the time to write them a letter.

I encourage you to make this 6 minute activity a part of your weekly schedule.  In a notebook, on a card or maybe a small dry erase board that you stick to their bathroom mirror start writing your child.  Is this going to solve all the communication problems between parent and child…? I wish, but it will create some very special moments for your child and for you.  Now, I know most of you are probably thinking “yes, I am going to do this” (at least I hope you are) so do it now!  Find a scrap piece of paper and write a note to your child.  Take 6 minutes.

PS. 2 letters are better then 1, so forward this to the other parent and give your child a total of 12 minutes of “extra” time.  Happy writing!

-Steven

What Lindsey taught me, after she left.

This weekend I lost someone very close to me.  Someone who I watched grow up to become an amazing woman.  Someone who had lived an incredible life because she refused to be held back.  While she was here with us she shared her excitement, joy and passion for life with everyone around her.  She never worried much about what people thought of her, she just always did what she thought was right.  She had an unshakeable faith in God through Christ and I am thankful I have her as a role model.

She was taken from this world far too soon.  She had lived a great life, but she had so much life left to live.  She had dreams and goals to do incredible things in the lives of others and I was excited to see what was to come.  This weekend that excitement has turned to wonder as she will never have the opportunity to continue to chase those dreams.  But then again, I guess she is currently living the ultimate dream.

Lindsey was a great person to have as a friend and her family was the best to talk too.  I spent summer after summer at their house swimming and playing video games with her brothers.  I would spend hours trying to beat her dad’s top score on his golf pin-ball machine, with no success…  But while I loved her family it was her that I was closest to.

This weekend I found myself working through the waves of emotions that come when you lose a family member or close friend.  I spent time expressing my emotions with others on Facebook and read story after story of how Lindsey affected the lives of others.  It was in these moments that I noticed something.  It was amazing to me that the loss of Lindsey did something incredible, it brought a community together without any of us physically being together.

The stories that were shared online were so detailed that you could picture yourself being there.  Sometimes I would be reading a memory from someone and then realize that I had been there.  The people Lindsey was close to were people that I had known for years, we all knew each other from various events, schools or activities.  I, however, had not talked with or seen most of these people in years.  I was not sure what was going on in their lives, where they lived, where they were going to school.  I had very limited information on most all of these people who were spending time remembering Lindsey but that did not matter.  On that day, during that moment we were all connected, we were all doing the same thing… Remembering.

It was amazing to me how one person could make a comment and it would bring back a flood of memories.  How one picture would remind me of that time that we did……

As I entered my morning trapped in my sorrow, I ended my day feeling up lifted; I even felt a little joy inside my heart.

That is when it hit me, only someone who lived a life full of joy could continue to bring joy even after they are gone.  The reason there were so many great memories was because Lindsey spent her life making great memories.  Yes she is gone, but she did not leave us with nothing, in fact she left us with everything!  She gave all that she had to the people she loved.  She poured herself into relationships with others.  She served with her arms and heart left open.  She never turned her back on a person in need.  She had a way about her that brought comfort in times of pain, and light in times of darkness.  And that is what she is still doing.

When I was hurting from her loss, when my soul was in a dark place of mourning, I felt it.  I felt her brighten my life, lift up my soul and remind me of the joy that she had for everything.  Yes I am so sad that she gone, but I am so overjoyed that I had the opportunity to have her in my life.

Let me leave you with this lesson I learned from Lindsey this weekend.

Life is too short to spend in fear.

And if that’s where you are, there is a hand that is near.

For you to take hold of, and grip with all your might,

Because one day you’re here, and your gone the next night.

Live life to the fullest,

Don’t worry about the road.

It’s not about the path that you travel,

But the people that you come to know.

And when it comes to people, treat them like a friend,

Because when your gone all that matters is what you left in them.

Did you do your best to show them what real love is all about.

Or did you speak of a faith that your life was lived without.

Did you dance to every song,

Not worried who would see?

Did you laugh at every joke,

And when you smile show all your teeth?

I did,

Not because I wanted your attention at the time,

But because I want you to remember to hold your hands up on the ride.

Because its short and you never know when it will end.

But if you have lived it right, your memories will bring joy to all your friends.

How are you living?

Challenge Today… Impact tomorrow.

Lindsey Did.

A reason to speak

It was only a few hours ago that I posted Your story matters… Be the one to share it on on wordpress.  I like to write about topics that I believe people struggle with and things that are close to my heart.  I wanted to add something to the conversation that I started yesterday.

I received and e-mail form someone who told me that from my post the came to know the Trevor Project and she has reached out to them.  I know nothing more then that, and I do not need to.  All that I know is that there was someone out there who was simply looking for a place to belong, some to talk to and listen to them and she was able to find that place.

I hear stories like this everyday.  Maybe not directly but from reading online post or listening to the radio.  There are people everywhere who are finding relief and acceptance in the conversations of others.  They are learning more about themselves and people who are like them.  It is in our conversations that people find answers, not from simply reading something, but from a caring voice, the power of the spoken word.

You might not see yourself as someone of great influence or knowledge and that is ok.  But you are someone who has a story of your own.  You are a person who has gone through or are currently in a life struggle.  You might be someone has suffered extreme pain and you have buried it deep down inside, never wanting to uncover it again.

But the reality is, you just might save someone form their own pain, if you speak of yours.  I know that it is never easy to talk about the things that have brought us down or have caused us to feel defeated.  We don’t like to show emotional scars for fear that people will define us by them.  But we must stop being silent when we know we can make a difference.  Who knows what your words may bring to someone else.  What comfort and wisdom they may find in your story.  Sometimes it is in hearing about the things that caused us the most pain that brings others the most comfort.  It is important for others to know that they are not alone in their struggle, for them to see the hope that remains.  But it only happens if you will speak.

Begin a conversation that you know is needed.  Be bold and take a stand for the ones that you care for and don’t want to see struggle.  Friends, family, colleagues, whoever.  I am sure there are people that could benefit from your story.  I know it may be difficult to face the challenge, but a Challenge Today will Impact Tomorrow.

Start Speaking