What Lindsey taught me, after she left.

This weekend I lost someone very close to me.  Someone who I watched grow up to become an amazing woman.  Someone who had lived an incredible life because she refused to be held back.  While she was here with us she shared her excitement, joy and passion for life with everyone around her.  She never worried much about what people thought of her, she just always did what she thought was right.  She had an unshakeable faith in God through Christ and I am thankful I have her as a role model.

She was taken from this world far too soon.  She had lived a great life, but she had so much life left to live.  She had dreams and goals to do incredible things in the lives of others and I was excited to see what was to come.  This weekend that excitement has turned to wonder as she will never have the opportunity to continue to chase those dreams.  But then again, I guess she is currently living the ultimate dream.

Lindsey was a great person to have as a friend and her family was the best to talk too.  I spent summer after summer at their house swimming and playing video games with her brothers.  I would spend hours trying to beat her dad’s top score on his golf pin-ball machine, with no success…  But while I loved her family it was her that I was closest to.

This weekend I found myself working through the waves of emotions that come when you lose a family member or close friend.  I spent time expressing my emotions with others on Facebook and read story after story of how Lindsey affected the lives of others.  It was in these moments that I noticed something.  It was amazing to me that the loss of Lindsey did something incredible, it brought a community together without any of us physically being together.

The stories that were shared online were so detailed that you could picture yourself being there.  Sometimes I would be reading a memory from someone and then realize that I had been there.  The people Lindsey was close to were people that I had known for years, we all knew each other from various events, schools or activities.  I, however, had not talked with or seen most of these people in years.  I was not sure what was going on in their lives, where they lived, where they were going to school.  I had very limited information on most all of these people who were spending time remembering Lindsey but that did not matter.  On that day, during that moment we were all connected, we were all doing the same thing… Remembering.

It was amazing to me how one person could make a comment and it would bring back a flood of memories.  How one picture would remind me of that time that we did……

As I entered my morning trapped in my sorrow, I ended my day feeling up lifted; I even felt a little joy inside my heart.

That is when it hit me, only someone who lived a life full of joy could continue to bring joy even after they are gone.  The reason there were so many great memories was because Lindsey spent her life making great memories.  Yes she is gone, but she did not leave us with nothing, in fact she left us with everything!  She gave all that she had to the people she loved.  She poured herself into relationships with others.  She served with her arms and heart left open.  She never turned her back on a person in need.  She had a way about her that brought comfort in times of pain, and light in times of darkness.  And that is what she is still doing.

When I was hurting from her loss, when my soul was in a dark place of mourning, I felt it.  I felt her brighten my life, lift up my soul and remind me of the joy that she had for everything.  Yes I am so sad that she gone, but I am so overjoyed that I had the opportunity to have her in my life.

Let me leave you with this lesson I learned from Lindsey this weekend.

Life is too short to spend in fear.

And if that’s where you are, there is a hand that is near.

For you to take hold of, and grip with all your might,

Because one day you’re here, and your gone the next night.

Live life to the fullest,

Don’t worry about the road.

It’s not about the path that you travel,

But the people that you come to know.

And when it comes to people, treat them like a friend,

Because when your gone all that matters is what you left in them.

Did you do your best to show them what real love is all about.

Or did you speak of a faith that your life was lived without.

Did you dance to every song,

Not worried who would see?

Did you laugh at every joke,

And when you smile show all your teeth?

I did,

Not because I wanted your attention at the time,

But because I want you to remember to hold your hands up on the ride.

Because its short and you never know when it will end.

But if you have lived it right, your memories will bring joy to all your friends.

How are you living?

Challenge Today… Impact tomorrow.

Lindsey Did.

“The Dream” is still a dream

This past weekend many enjoyed an extra day off from work as our nation paused in Honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.  While the day is viewed as a day to catch up on house work or visit the zoo it is a reminder of the man who challenged his society to open its eyes to a better world that is available to all.

This week I have thought about the meaning of a dream.  No, not the kind that make you toss and turn in your bed, but the kind that you find yourself lost in as you sit at your desk.  The kind of dream that carries you to a place of comfort and peace.  The kind of dream that when you are awakened to reality you quickly look around to see if any of the greatness you were just pulled from might have stuck around for a brief moment.   It is the kind of dream that King is most famous for.  A dream of a world that is safe for all.  Unfortunately, his dream and the dream of many is still… just a dream.
As I was waiting to meet with my “little brother” last Thursday at a local elementary school, I watched the classes come and go to the cafeteria for lunch.  I watched as they formed their lines and walked through the hallway one behind the other.  I found it interesting how well these little kids could follow the lead of the teacher in front of them.  The crowed flowed effortlessly through the hallways and within a matter of a few minutes 100 or so students had been led to where they belonged.  No fuss, no confusion, no questions asked.  As I think about this event in light of MLK day, I noticed that there was neither race separation nor class separation.  The kids did not seem to worry about who the person was that they were standing by, what they looked like or what the label on their jeans said.  They just went to where they were going; together.

I have always wondered at what point in life we lose the innocence of a child.  When do we begin to notice the differences between ourselves and everyone else?  When do we start to classify people and segregate them into groups of “good” and “bad,” “rich” and “poor?”  How do we learn who goes into what category and how do learn which one we belong in?

The truth is, it is learned.  From who?  Everyone.  I wish I had a different answer to this dilemma, but I must face reality.  Society teaches segregation and I fear it will always be that way.   Maybe not in the extremes that it was in the civil rights era, but it will always be.  That is because we as people feel like the only way to manage a society is to create some sort of segregation.  It is from this mentality that bullying, hate crimes, abuse and neglect all stem.  “I am better then you so I can do with you what I want” or “I am better then you so I cannot waste my time with someone like you.”

What if I told you that I do not believe the answer to the problems that our society faces are found in destroying racial, social, or economical classes?  That we need to look beyond “fixing” segregation or class warfare and live within it with a different mindset, see it through a different lens.

We will always have poor people and rich people.  We will always have black people and white people.  We will always have smart people and dumb people.  We will always have strong people and weak people.  But we can refuse to see each other as such. Galatians 3:28 reads “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.”

I do not believe the problem with our society is that we have people who have and people who don’t, that is simply the law of economics.  But why must we look at each other through a lens of hate?

Want to stop bullying, teach students to recognize the value of a person, not the differences.  Want to stop racial conflict, teach people to listen to the individuals story and they will find common ground.  I do not believe Galatians is setting the stage for complete equality, but for complete innocence; that of a child.  We are all people, and in Christ we are all redeemed.  But that does not change our skin color or are bank account.  We have to learn to value the individual.

This is not an easy concept, but at the same time it is.  It is so much easier then “fixing” segregation issue, I just don’t believe we can.  But I do believe we can change the stigma attached to different groups.  We have to be willing to be human.  To not build up a wall that blocks us from feeling.  We must not turn up our music so that we drowned out the cries of the hurting.  If we want to see our dream become reality, we have to allow ourselves to get lost in the lives and stories of those around us.

People are different, we always have been.  We are never going to be able to fix different, nor should we want to.  If we were not all different we would live in a boring world and life would be empty.  We need to embrace this world and the people in it.  We need to build bridges and not charge a toll to cross them.  We need to open our homes and expand our tables for people to come together to hear each other’s story.  The Human story is not told by one group but by all.  The first half has been depressing and sad.  It has driven people to erase their life and thus remove their story.  I am excited about the second half.  I am excited to see how we, the people of this world, come together and value life.  Yes, that is my dream, but starting today I will make it my reality.  Will you join me?

Challenge Today… Impact Tomorrow

-Steven

A reason to speak

It was only a few hours ago that I posted Your story matters… Be the one to share it on on wordpress.  I like to write about topics that I believe people struggle with and things that are close to my heart.  I wanted to add something to the conversation that I started yesterday.

I received and e-mail form someone who told me that from my post the came to know the Trevor Project and she has reached out to them.  I know nothing more then that, and I do not need to.  All that I know is that there was someone out there who was simply looking for a place to belong, some to talk to and listen to them and she was able to find that place.

I hear stories like this everyday.  Maybe not directly but from reading online post or listening to the radio.  There are people everywhere who are finding relief and acceptance in the conversations of others.  They are learning more about themselves and people who are like them.  It is in our conversations that people find answers, not from simply reading something, but from a caring voice, the power of the spoken word.

You might not see yourself as someone of great influence or knowledge and that is ok.  But you are someone who has a story of your own.  You are a person who has gone through or are currently in a life struggle.  You might be someone has suffered extreme pain and you have buried it deep down inside, never wanting to uncover it again.

But the reality is, you just might save someone form their own pain, if you speak of yours.  I know that it is never easy to talk about the things that have brought us down or have caused us to feel defeated.  We don’t like to show emotional scars for fear that people will define us by them.  But we must stop being silent when we know we can make a difference.  Who knows what your words may bring to someone else.  What comfort and wisdom they may find in your story.  Sometimes it is in hearing about the things that caused us the most pain that brings others the most comfort.  It is important for others to know that they are not alone in their struggle, for them to see the hope that remains.  But it only happens if you will speak.

Begin a conversation that you know is needed.  Be bold and take a stand for the ones that you care for and don’t want to see struggle.  Friends, family, colleagues, whoever.  I am sure there are people that could benefit from your story.  I know it may be difficult to face the challenge, but a Challenge Today will Impact Tomorrow.

Start Speaking

Your story matters… Be the one who shares it.

Every once in a while I will think about something that continues to perk my interest.  I cannot really explain why it happens, but there are times that I will see something or hear something and I have to look into it deeper.  I have been this way for as long as I can remember.  I always want to know why and how things work and it is no different with social issues.

I am always online looking for new topics that might spark my interest, and I am always interested in those that speak to or deal directly with youth.  A few days ago, I came across an article in Relevant Magazine titled Suicidal Tendencies. It was one of those articles that I could not stop thinking about.  This is mostly due to who I am and what I do.  When I read things like this article, I cant help but think about the youth that I work with and wonder what struggles they are going through.

I have spent a lot of time researching teen suicide and have books on my book case that I have highlighted up, but every time I read the statistics I am still sickened.  In 2010 the CDC released a report that  showed that suicide is now the 3rd leading cause of death among youth (ages 10-24).  That is 12.2% of all the deaths that occur in that age group.  It is estimated that 1 in 6 students (9th-12th grade) have seriously considered suicide in the past year.

Every 17 minutes a suicide occurs… and it is estimated that 25 attempts are made for every successful one.

Suicide has become an epidemic, but so many parents and teachers still live in the dark about the signs causes linked to suicide.  While there are many factors that lead to thoughts and actions of suicide, I want to focus on one that has gained a lot of attention in the recent years, Bullying.

Bullying has been one of the hottest topics in the media world today and everyone has their own opinions regarding the issue.  Today, in this post, I want to take a different approach on the issue.  I am not about addressing the bullies today, I am about the victims and those who work with victims (which is everyone on the face of the planet, you just might not know who those victims are.).

Your story matters!  Be the one who shares it.

If you have been told that you do not matter or you have been treated as if you do not matter don’t buy into that crap!  I have been involved in conversations in high school counselors offices where I listen to a student make the following statement: “No one knows who I am, and no one cares to know who I am.  I feel invisible to the world and I feel like I am waste of space.  If I kill myself then at least people will know about me, at least they will feel bad for me and I will be someone who people care for.”

The problem with that statement is that it is true.  We as a society have abandoned individuals and have forced them to take drastic measures to gain intimation, and the quickest and and most biggest impact is made when a student takes their own life.  But the truth that lies within that reality, is that your story gets told… by someone else.  When your story is told by someone else it losses its authenticity, the emotion that only you can breath into it.  Yes your story might get told, but it will have an end that is dark.

Don’t let someone else tell your story on your behalf.  Don’t let your story end with you forcing the book closed.   You have pages that are left to be written.  You have dreams that are yet to be dreamed, emotions that have yet to be felt!  Live your life, write your story, don’t let someone else write it for you.  You might feel it now, But YOUR STORY MATTERS!  But YOU must be the one who shares it.  Share your story!  If you are in need of someone to share your story with, Contact me.  I will listen to your story, but I will not share your story, that is for you to do.  You might feel like you are the only person who is hurting, the only person who is cutting, the only person who wishes they did not wake up in the morning.  But the truth is, you are not alone.  In fact you might be the voice that saves someone else.  Allow yourself to finish your story with life, love and change.  Be someone who empowers and takes a stand for everything that you are.  Quit listening to the lies of this world and exclaim your own identity.  I am excited to see who you will become, I can not wait to hear you tell your story.  I look forward to seeing how you accept this Challenge Today and IMPACT Tomorrow!

If you need someone to talk to now Click Here

The Trevor Project – Are you a LGBT or questioning youth needing help? Check out the Trevor Project, amazing people that understand and are here to listen to you.

The statistic in this article are from the CDC- find more HERE

Today was the start of something great!

This morning was a morning to remember. 

A few months back I had signed up to be a Big Brother through the Big Brother Big Sister program.  After a few interviews and personal evaluations I got the call to finally meet my “little.”  I have the opportunity to work with students most everyday, but today I felt something different.  During my drive to school to meet my new “little” I was thinking to myself about what could come from the relationship that was about to begin. 

I must admit that I had a few apprehensions at first, nothing major that would turn me away, but just questions that were coming to my mind.  What were we going to talk about? What if he does not like me?  What if I don’t like him… kidding!  Questions that you might ask yourself the first time you are going to meet anyone I guess.  But this was different.  I was about to meet a child who needed me.  A child who really needed someone to make an impact on their life, to challenge them to do great things and to be the best that they could be.  Today was the day that I was going to accept a new challenge to be a mentor. 

It is fitting for this challenge to be offered this month, National Mentoring Month.  This month is a time to honor those who have served an important role in the lives of young people as a mentor.  If you have been a mentor or are currently serving as a mentor I first want to say thank you.  Thank you for recognizing the need for mentors in our society.

I would also like to take a moment to encourage you to consider being a “Big.”  It is something that could be life changing for a child/ teen who needs you.  Every kid is one caring adult away from being a success story.  Will you be that caring adult?   It is easy to get going just go to www.bbbs.org click on the volunteer tab at the top, find your local BBBS office by entering your zip code and then enter your personal info.  It is that easy to get started.

I would also like to invite parents to consider signing your children up to be a “little.”  I know that sometime things might not be going as you would like for them to go with your children and you feel like their is no hope, but I want you to know their is.  Enrolling your child into Big Brothers Big Sisters is not viewed as a failure, in fact I see it as the complete opposite.  It is you wanting to insure that your child has every opportunity to be their best.  Even the best parents need help, the phrase “it takes a village” did not come from nowhere.  BBBS will not fulfill the role of “parent” but it will add another positive influence that you can build on.  

I am very excited to have the opportunity to be involved in the life of my new Little, and I am excited to see how we both grow through this process.  I believe that great things will come from this adventure and I look forward to sharing them with you, and I look forward to hearing about yours.  Honor this National Mentoring Month to sign up to make a difference.  Take the Challenge Today… Impact Tomorrow.

-Steven 

 

The Power of the Word

I have a confession to make… I love to talk.  Now before you go on judging me let me explain.  It is not that I enjoy hearing my own voice or that I believe that I know more than others; it is that I have grown to understand the power of the spoken word.

The power of the spoken word is something that many people disregard.  We live in a day in age that is so opinionated we quickly become annoyed when anyone begins to speak on something other than the weather.  When people begin to talk about hot button topics like gay marriage or violence in schools, we have a tendency to tune out.  We tend to pick and choose the people that we listen to and don’t listen to.  While I guess this is simply human nature, I feel like we are robbing ourselves of true, dare I say, necessary dialogue in doing so.

When we surround ourselves with like minded people then all we hear are like minded opinions.  We find ourselves sharing the same political opinions or societal beliefs without ever considering the other side of the coin.  This has created a very “I am right and you are wrong” society in which groups are only pushing farther apart.

Ok, so let me get to where I am going.  In the child/ teen world, words lead to acceptance or rejection.  If you are an “accepted” kid you will receive words of affirmations and more importantly your words will be heard and acknowledged.  You will have a voice that matters and others will listen to you and your opinions.  On the flip side of that, words also imprison students.  With just a few words a student can be given an identity that is not truly their own, and they become a slave to it.

Call it what you wish “bullying” “gossiping” “slandering” whatever you want, but it is the power of the spoken word.

Are you someone who has been imprisoned by someone’s words?  Have you been told that who you think you are does not matter and all that does matters is what is said about you?  Has one bad decision enslaved you to a title that you wish you could move past? Do you judge your worth based on you lack of a voice?

Know This: You are worth more than the words of others.  You are an individual who decides for yourself who you are and what you will stand for.  You create your identity, you will not be defined!  Your words have power, no matter what others may say.  Your story is important and you need to let people hear it.  There is power in your words!  There is freeing power in expressing your heart, your mind and your emotions.

You must be your voice because NO ONE CAN DO THAT FOR YOU.  Need someone to share with? Contact Me HERE

And if you are a person with a voice… USE IT!!!!  Quit debating on how to solve problems that you very well know have no real solution.  Spend time with people, real humans that are hurting and alone.  Seek those who need someone to help them stand on their platform and encourage them when they are told to get down!  You must change the way you use your power, you must use it to free people, not enslave them.  Stop listening to the like minded voices that are comfortable, get uncomfortable and challenge yourself to make a change that impacts peoples life tomorrow.

Listen to the words of others and use your words to build up.  That is the power of the spoken word… USE IT!

Challenge Today… Impact Tomorrow

Are you a teacher or school administrator? Click HERE for more info on how I can help you encourage your students to create their own identity and not live defined.

A new year brings new challenges.

Happy New Year!

It is hard to believe that it is 2013! It is exciting to think of all the new opportunity that a new year brings. Each new year is a fresh start and an opportunity to make changes in your life.

In this new year, while many people will make resolutions to lose weight or get out of debt there will be many others who question the purpose of life. The importance of their role in this world. I believe that everyone’s story is important and deserves to be heard. This new year I invite you to value your story, value your life. Be one who inspires Change, who challenges the social norm and impacts your world for the better. I hope that at the end of 2013 you can look back and say that your Challenge Today… Impacted Tomorrow.

Blessings on the new year, and I am excited to see how your story can change the world.

-Steven